How to Change the Game for Girls in Sport

I usually sit and answer emails whilst my daughter does her swimming practice; which is exactly what I was doing when I accidentally witnessed a man’s true attitude towards women in sport. 

It was the end of training. The girls were hurriedly heading to the change rooms to get ready for their school day, after a good hour of swimming and diving practice.

I was working away whilst waiting to make sure my daughter was safely off to class on time.

A staff member walked in and I half-overheard a conversation with the swimming coach. Someone asked him if everything was ready to go for an upcoming event and I must have tuned-in slightly at the moment he said, “Yeah, we just need more girls to turn up.” I wasn’t listening in, I just momentarily recognised something in his voice that is regularly a part of my own work; regularly a part of being a Renewalist. Sometimes the numbers are disappointing. You try and try in the work of building a movement or starting a new program; and sometimes the people who signed up don’t turn up and it’s tough.

Some days it’s hard to keep holding a brave face and a positive disposition, but you do. And he did.

Suddenly the flow was interrupted when a senior level student walked past with a question about her performance that morning.

Again, I wasn’t listening in, but I could tell she was unsettled about something. Then, all of a sudden, I noticed his response. This coach, who is a successful swimmer in his own right, paused and gave this girl his full attention. I watched him instantly bench whatever he was feeling or processing that day, and turn, and answer her questions as thoroughly and carefully as he could.

Now I was listening in, kinda. Not really. But I was moved by what I witnessed. The student’s questions turned into worries that she wasn’t performing as well as she wanted to. I watched her coach listen, pay attention to what she was concerned about, and reassure her that she was doing a lot better than she realised, whilst he gently offered advice about ways to strengthen her performance. But she was upset, and she needed to let it out.

Next, he offered to time her again, as she swam her best effort. “See, that was a really strong swim,” he said, but she wasn’t convinced. She started to tear up in the pool, and I watched from the parent sidelines, as this man knelt by the diving blocks on the watery concrete, to listen and reassure her that she was better than she thought. Realising it wasn’t going to be enough to settle her, he then made the offer, “Do you want to come back and try again at lunchtime?”

That moment, that one sentence, is life-changing work. He just let her know that she is worth another try, another session. He did that on a frustrating morning. She might just need that message in her bones at work in twenty-years from now. ‘It’s okay, I’ll come back and try again at lunchtime, because I’m worth it, and I’m worthy.’

As she walked off to the changerooms wiping back her tears, he gently encouraged her. “It’s okay, you’re doing really, really well.”

Can I invite you to hold that image in your mind for a moment?

These are the men who will change the game for girls. I write about this coach anonymously because I know there are hundreds of men and women out there investing in girls in sport every day.

The morning after Marty Sheargold had casually slandered the Matilda’s, and women’s sport in general, I happened to be flicking through radio stations observing the next-day commentary. Of course, it was good for ratings for radio hosts to pile on and unpack what had motivated his misogynistic comments, even extending to what he’d rather do to his penis compared with watch women’s sport. Now this man’s mistake was sport for the media.

But not on The Light FM whose mission is to be “positive media” that is safe and family friendly.

Yes, there were tears, about how the careless comments of men who sit in privilege can damage the development of girls and mental health of women. However, the response of the radio hosts then switched from advocacy to Renewal. I listened, as The Light radio hosts committed to turning the story into an opportunity to make a difference, rather than a reason to criticise the mistakes of an individual. I listened as callers phoned-in to support a campaign to pay for girls to do sport whose parents couldn’t afford lessons.

A man phoned in and laid down $5000 to say, “I believe in girls in sport.”

I was in tears.  

All I can say is, to every coach out there investing in girls in sport, you are changing the game. Don’t worry about the numbers. You are changing lives and renewing our culture every day. And as a mother of a daughter, I really want to say, thank you.

Photo by Richard Callis, Getty Images.

Mary Fowler, Ellie Carpenter and Caitlin Foord of Australia’s Matildas celebrate a goal during their Group B match against Canada.